Why did I interrupt the university studies after half a year in 1976?

Why did I interrupt the university studies after half a year in 1976?

John Bjarne Grover

Ludwig Wittgenstein educated to and worked as elementary school teacher 1920-1926. Even I worked as elementary school teacher, in a small private school in Haugsvik north of Voss, in the spring 1977. Why? It was only recently that I returned to the question, and I have since then only had the explanation to myself that I had started studies at the university of Oslo in the autumn 1976 but broke off after half a year since I wanted to do something else - I wanted to go for an esthetic understanding of the world rather than a scientific. I had thoughts like 'science is analytic, critical, sceptic, while art is synthetic, constructive, positive' - it was too easy for science to quench whatever was interesting and that is what I felt was the problem with university studies - that my own analytic and hence sceptical mind did not need to be reinforced on its scepticism - and therefore I had grown sceptic about more studies and broke off the studies. This is what I believed was the reason. In addition, if I should have financed the studies with loans from the national education bank, I would have been rather deeply in debt after a few semesters and how should I be able to pay that down again - in particular if I wanted to go for literary work? I think I did not take up a loan for the first semester - I had a standard 'borteboer' stipend from the same educational bank, which was not so much, but I think I had worked in the summer (that was probably the summer when I worked as driver for Krabseth's bakery?) and had some money for the autumn. I had not more formal competence than high school, though, so there were not so many chances. In late autumn 1976 I read 'Lysningsbladet' and found an ad for teaching at this private school, run by the parents of children for a village school that had been closed due to 'centralization' (the children had to be transported with school bus down to 'Opheim' instead of going to the nearby school - cp. the story of Arnold Juklerød) and was financed by bazaars and collection of donations etc, and so the formal competence was not so important.

However, when I now started to think it over - what was really the reason why I felt uncomfortable about the university studies - I have come across another potential explanation which could be mentioned on background of my (recent) ideas of me in a role as PTRSIM PIK. Whether this is the same explanation as the ideas of an 'all-important' literary aspirant, I dont know. It is an explanation in the field of 'indexical relevance'.

I had broken off my high school studies as well - I was scheduled to be a student at Frydenberg high school 1973-76 but dropped out at christmas 1974 and planned to take the exams as private student in the spring 1975, thereby gaining an extra year and going for the university in Oslo. However, already in january 1975 I was attacked by mononucleosis and thereafter a throat abscess which drove my body weight down and I could take only half of the exams in the spring 1975 - the rest I took a year later, thereby following normal schedule. After the exams, my official father put an ad in the Oslo newspaper 'Aftenposten' searching for a room for his son in the vicinity of the university and there came a response from lektor Frøen - who was teaching french at just the high school Frydenberg - he had a house (I think by inheritance) near the university in Oslo and let out two bedsits. 'Frøen' is the district around there so it made sense that the house had been in his family - and his name was known from the high school. He was absent most of the week and was in only for weekends now and then, and the house could be used by the bedsitters in the mean time when he was away. My fellow high school student Knut Stene Johansen and I took the two bedsits and had the entire house for use most of the time. The house was in Villaveien (or was it formally numbered as 'Apalveien'?) and my room had a view to Blindernveien station at the suburban line.

In the summer there was the disastrous earthquake of Tangshan in China. In those days I had not the slightest chance to relate such news to my person - I was only a very normal student from a not so important town. The quake was at 03:42:56 local time. In the autumn 1976 there was the US presidential election - Gerald Ford against Jimmy Carter - and Carter won. It is only today that I can relate this to my person via my theories of a story of child abuse on the form '1-2-3': I have the evidence in the form of the magnet resonance scan which shows that my skull is intact but a part of the lower occipital lobe has been scissored off or otherwise apparently removed with some sharp metal gear - which means that my head must have been opened in early infancy. That is, as I have guessed, the '1' in a typical '1-2-3' child abuse story, which could be the fate of a PTRSIM PIK designed for abuse for political purposes. If the theory shall be pursued that the US presidential election had anything to do with my person, it would have been on such a background - which was completely outside my conscious knowledge in those days.

It is the time point 03:42:56 of the earthquake which tells that this could be a relevant observation on such a background. Moving the '2' forwards turns it into 0-23456. It would then be a matter of natural or integer number status - naturals start the count at 1, the integers at 0. Were this a natural earthquake?

For once, there was the story about Frøen arriving one weekend, carrying in some boxes of red wine he had bought in some quantities - it was of the type 'Chateau Redon' which he, as far as I remember, pronounced a little carelessly 'Chateau Rødong' - a little surprising for a teacher of french. It is on background of the theory that my early life included a head opening that I can speculate: The head would have been opened with some sharp metal gear, a knife of some kind, and the skull bones wriggled off and the helmet left aside on, say, the kitchen table in front of me while somebody masturbated on my opened cortex and scissored off a part of the lower brain behind. The 'politics' therein could have been that this was to add to me an 'Edward V' (of english royal history) - in the sense of a pointing tool adding the 'wife' matter - while subtracting a 'Henry VIII' from my brain matter. The political pretext for this would have been the program (which many could have supported) that it was unfortunate for England and the world that Edward V was couped into Henry VIII - better it had been if Edward had continued as king. The story could therefore have been that an early and subconscious memory of mine could have included such a bloodstained (= 'rø[d]') 'condom' = 'dong', for the 'Rødong' of the wine brand, while the loss of (visual cerebral) matter from the back part of the body would have been the 'sjatt' while some compensating matter was added from the 'toe' - hence the 'Chateau Redon' could have been a name which had resonances of an unfortunate memory of mine, according to the evidence in the brain scan. The bedsit was acquired through an 'ad' in 'Aftenposten' - while 'pasten-often' = 'passed den off-[t]-en' could have told of the problem whether the lid that was put back onto the head was the same as what had been lifted off.

My friend and I drank some red wine and borrowed a bottle of his Chateau Redon one evening, planning to buy a new one from 'Vinmonopolet' the next day. We got a little nervous when it turned out to be difficult to find and we telephoned around and luckily there was one such seller in Oslo who had it. Frøen refurbished his living room with luxurious red silken wallpaper that autumn - but the worker who did it had been somewhat nonchalant and left white slits open between the vertical columns of red. Could be there was not enough wallpaper? The slits were not big but it looked too nonchalant to count as serious handwork. 'Passet den offen' could perhaps also have applied to the idea of a 'whelp' = 'valp', for the 'wallpaper' qua 'passet den offen' = 'did it fit, that offspring?'

I think Frøen had a female friend called Grete. Møtte Grete? 'Lukket Møte' could have been in reference of the head opening in Sandveien 4 in Molde in 1957. There are some reasons to guess that Carter's party colleage John F.Kennedy could have been present.

Clearly this question could have been included into a presidential campaign in USA, not the least since the name of the democrat candidate was 'Jimmy Earl Carter'. 'Øl' = norwegian for 'beer', while 'Jimmy' would have been the naked brain which was a little 'shorter' after than before. Hence 03:42:56 for 'Ca-rt-er', could be seen also on background of this idea of the difference between natural and integer numbers - 023456 being 'shorter' than 123456.

'Carter' could rewrite relevantly to 'tr-Ca-er' or rather 'tra-Care'. 'Trakk-her' (= 'pulled here', used also e.g. about a cowboy duel outside Kitty's saloon) would then refer to the opening of the head, while a 'trakt-her' could refer to a rape in infancy time - 'trakt' = 'funnel'. 'Tra-care' could then have been associated with a chemical injection around age 18 months. 'Dra' = 'to pull', such as when pulling the syringe of 'care' out again. In principle, the idea could have been about the effect of the injected chemicals - in particular if this could have been recognized in the time point 03:42:56.

It happened in the course of the autumn that Frøen was in for a weekend - Knut Stene Johansen and I was in some room and suddenly the door sprang up and Frøen came dancing in with a long sword in hand which he pointed towards me - in some oldfashioned challenging style. I thought maybe he was alluding to the Picasso 'Don Quichote' graphics (reproductions, probably, although I think Frøen said they were real) which hung at the top of the stairs. Frøen was known for some slightly eccentric behaviour - the story was told (in the high school long before I moved in to Oslo) that he practiced yoga and had been observed doing yoga upside-down on his hands in a higher window sill of the high school.

Clearly these story elements could have been invoked on background of the US election for the question 'why did I drop out from the university studies'? 'Villaveien' was the address, 'vil av veien' = 'wants to get off the road'. 'Frø' = 'seed', normally a neuter word with definite form 'frøet', but 'frøen' would associate with the idea of 'seeds' = plural 'frøene' anyhow. There is this complex with the white rice or seeds spurted around in the top of the fridge with a lump of brown matter left in the bottom of the fridge. 'Vil-av-Eien' could relate to 'vil-av-Frøen' in that sense of it.

Would this personal challenge of Frøen with sword have been a threat which made me 'will/want [to get] off the road'? Not in itself, of course - it would have been smarter to move to another location rather than to change career completely if it were only this incident - but if it be seen in parallel with or on background of the US presidential election relating to the disastrous Tangshan earthquake, there could of course have been enough pressure therein.

I add that 'Tangshan' of 1976 also could have been conceived later as the 'tang' = (pair of) 'tongs' which applied to the persian 'shah' (then still in power) on background of the birthday of his youngest daughter Leila on 27 march 1970, his own death in 27 july 1980 and the official death of my official father John Grøver on probably 27 november 1990 (plus/minus a day) - a day which also is 160 years exactly after the revelation of the Madonna of Paris in 1830. He died from 'pancreas cancer' - and British Library later moved to St.Pancras in London.

My choice of work at 'Haugsvik' could perhaps have been seen on background of this 'tongs' - when 'Hau[g]' means 'heap' or 'head', 'svik' = 'treason'. 'Vike' = 'to give in to pressure', to get off the road for something. Then of course 'Tangshah' could turn into 'Tangshan' if the head of the 'h' gives in and turns into an 'n'. Ideas such as these could suggest that my drop-off in 1976-77 could have been seen to have political echos.

It is not my way of thinking to take it that my two 'drop-offs' from 'school' (from high school 1974 and university 1976) were the same as the 'drop-off' of brain tissue from my head when the 'skull' had been lifted. But clearly some political intrigue could have been playing with such ideas - I dont know about that.

I worked as teacher in the spring 1977 and library assistant in Fredrikstad 1977-1980 after which I moved in to Oslo again, earning money from partwriting for the composer's union and the newly started 'Norsk Musikk-Informasjon' = 'NMI', a state-financed institution. In 1981 I was for some time in Rome untill appr the time of the assassination of Anwar Sadat. Carter was US president from 20 january 1977 to 20 jan 1981. I returned to the university studies in 1982.

In 1983, after having completed the 1-year course in theory and history of literature, I 'self-studied' philosophy - I acquired the obligatory books for the university course and read them but did not take the exam after 1 year. Why not? I dont know. Could be there were some reason or other. I could of course try and guess: As a peculiarity, I notice that it seems that tamil writing for the 'Sri Lankan civil war' is இலங்கை உள்நாட்டுப் போர் which perhaps could be seen to have a faint taint of

dont take exams in phi loso phy
இலங்கை உள்நாட்டுப் போர்

The 'Filosofo' and 'ROYAL LAND' (probably) ex nihilo stickers (which I found in early may 2022) could be telling - in particular the peculiarity of 'Filosofo' that it always remains curled up and refuses to 'take exam', so to speak, is notable. It still keeps up that shape, while the 'ROYAL LAND' remains flat. Sri Lanka is an 'egg' shape. Vil av eien? (While I worked in Haugsvik in the spring 1977, a person told me, as far as I remember, that he was 'on litium' - but I dont remember the details of these circumstances).

The war broke out in late june 1983, probably around the time when I moved out to Austmarka.

7/8-23: To illustrate the idea that this explanation could be only one among many more or less farfetched ones, I can add the story that the norwegian newspaper 'Dagbladet' went from full-size to tabloid size in 1983. In 1981 my younger sister had visited me in Rome and was reading a full-size issue of Dagbladet she had bought when she left Oslo. It said in huge front page letters: "I full fart". A briton who saw it laughed and got it explained that in norwegian it means not that, it means 'at top speed'. I could add now that it means not 'at top spit', though - see also this photo from this book. Which of these explanations are the more farfetched I dont know.

There seems to exist the myth that my elder sister murdered Mao with a 'sword' in the summer 1976 - she was, tells this fantasy, rebuilt to look like Mao's wife and he could have grown a little near-sighted with the years and did not notice the difference (Haugsvik poet 'Bottolf'-s poem 'Lause-Tausa' could also be taken to mean a loose woman who speaks not but remains 'mute' = 'taus') and they had a sexual intercourse whereby he was stung with 'ribben-drop' from some pointed metal hid in her cavity. This could of course have happened around the time of the Tangshan quake.

This fantasy - although such a plot in theory could have been organized against Mao - would probably have been a fancy as far as my sister were concerned - but the book by Krarup Nielsen (which I got from the official father in the 1960's - probably from the first one, before he was replaced with another person) could perhaps have suggested something like that by its illustrations on page 104a and page 104b.

Gerald Ford was Carter's opponent. Carter had been 'Führer of Georgia' and hence could run as a 'spoon' against Gerald of Ford.

When I came to Haugsvik and the private school, they had been running for (I think) half a year already and the teacher before me (there were only two teachers in the little school) was a norwegian author called Erling Gjelsvik. He wrote his 'Dødt løp' (a novel from the bull-running of Pamplona) while working there - it was published in 1978. The children talked about him and his project of writing a book.

It was Ingebrigt Rygg who was leader of the 'Hauge-Stalheim private school' in Haugsvik. He was a farmer at 'Rygg farm', a farm on top ('rygg') of a hillside. His name could call forth associations to 'has not (yet) broken the back' ('ikke brukket rygg-en') or 'dont use the benefit' ('ikke bruk trygd-en') - he was a friendly man about whom I dont think there were any reasons to believe that he was not an authentic inhabitant of the village.

It can be added that my official father was replaced with a copy in probably the summer 1969 but I dont think this was ever discussed or even mentioned in the family. Clearly his wife should have noticed the difference (cp. Mao and his wife) but seemed to believe it was the same. I cannot remember to have talked with the sisters about this problem. The official mother Ragna Grøver was in 1970 elected member of Gudmund Harlem's committee for the care of the disableds - probably including the definition of the criteria for disability pensions - she was now and then in to meetings in this committee in Oslo in the year 1970-71 when also the school dentistry was going on in my mouth. Once when she had gone in to Oslo I was attacked by a strong fever which rose to impressive heights - I lay with clattering teeth around the heater - untill I vomited in the evening and the fever went down again - and the mother returned from Oslo, could be out of schedule. I dont know if I had been 'poisoned' = 'for-giftet' while 'giftet' = 'married' - or what were the reason for the fever. This distinction between 'fore-married' and 'married' could in fact be spotted in the name of 'Arnold Juklerød' qua 'amor tjukk eller rød' = 'amor fat or red'. There were several apparent attempts to make me understand that I had to suck myself - including the event with the teacher who threw me out the school door after having grabbed my neck and bowed my head down to hip level and led me down the long corridor in that style - like Ramses IV with captive libyan - cp. also the emblem of communism - and threw me out and the door slammed after me. I peed in my pants while being led down the corridor and I had to bicycle home and change before the next lesson. This story was from probably the spring 1971 - and in the autumn I gave in to this apparent pressure and performed some 'auto-fellatio' - and it is likely that Arnold Juklerød could have been subjected to forced psychiatric treatment after this: He was hospitalized on 22 november 1971 - just precisely 28 years before I was subjected to the same on 22 november 1999 - on Kennedy assassination anniversary day. I was diagnozed as suffering from 'paranoid schizophrenia'. My PhD dissertation had been rejected for the doctorate degree in the summer 1998 and I was writing my appeal when the US embassies of Dar-es-Salaam and Nairobi were bombed and the peace conference of Omagh some days later - these three bombings can be seen to constitute the formula 'rejected on a political basis' which could have been the contents of my appeal - as if I were articulating myself with the terror. See also the introduction to this article - there is mention of this also this introduction.

I had returned to university studies in 1982 and was somewhat on-and-off - alternating with my private literary studies and money-making by partwriting - untill my master degree in the spring 1992. The autumn 1992 should have told that I could expect to get support for the PhD project I had applied for - I had work at the lexicographical institute and got a 2-month stipend at the 'Centre for studies in technology and human values' - when I was told that the application had been rejected, which left me unemployed and rather marginalized for two years untill I got the stipend in Bergen in the spring 1995. The condition is described in my novel 'The Dreamer'. After the PhD dissertation had been rejected, the long-term effects of such potentially politically stained rejections had started to function - and I was in rather much need of support to my continued work in 1999 - when the 'support' I was offered was this forced hospitalization for psychiatric treatment. I had been driven off in police car who 'dropped' me off at the hospital. It was my houseletter who had taken the formal initiative for the hospitalization: There had been a plastic bag with bedsheets left on the floor of the washing room and when I came there a week later and it was still there, I told the houseletter about it - he said it was theirs ('den er vår') and I was suspected of being 'paranoid' and that was the reason for the hospitalization. He needed, though, a signature from a person of 'concern' and got that from my official mother - with whom I had not been in any contact for many years. However, if I should have come to claim that the official father was since 1969 but a mere copy of the original and that she had to know about it, she could have launched the theory that I was 'paranoid' and needed forced psychiatric treatment - and this threat could be traced back to Arnold Juklerød of 1971. Clearly the political history since then could have added much weight to this.

It is of course possible that I had been constructed as a technical 'Messiah' and that some political powers try to coup these technicalities from me - also by way of this 'Ramses-and-libyan' story. Clearly nazism could have wanted to coup the communist revolutions also by way of this 'Vidkun Quisling' libyan. The opening of the infant head could have been associated with John F.Kennedy and tax matters, while this psychiatric story could be associated with the question of the identity of John Grøver. Would it have been linked to Adolf Hitler - or is it only the possible theme of the story since 1969 that could have suggested such dimensions?

It was soon after I had completed my study of Horace relative to my DDS that I one morning woke up with one of my eyes swollen like a pugilist - I could barely see but it went down in the course of the day. It is likely to be about latin Horace qua egyptian Horus (see this comment).

A little later: I wrote most of this in the early morning local time today 6 august. After having published the above around 16:45 Vienna time, I looked up the news and found that there had been an earthquake in Shandong in China around 02:34 local chinese time yesterday - which I had not noticed before I wrote the article. I had yesterday tried on the internet to find out of the location of Frøen's house in Villaveien, but that could have been after the quake. A report in China Daily.